Sometimes You Have To Be Your Own Hero

I cleaned my house this week. I mean really cleaned it. I pulled everything out of each room and started from scratch. The only thing I didn't move was Muffin's food dish. I haven't touched it since he passed Dec 20th. Before he died he couldn't eat anymore. His food dish was full. I just kinda pushed it around as I cleaned. I couldn't get rid of it. I felt like if I got rid of the dishes it would mean he was really gone. I guess some part of me kept expecting him to come back. I just wanted someone else to get rid of the dishes for me.

When I grew up my Dad was always the hero. He took care of all the hard work. When he wasn't around, my little bro (who acted more like my big bro) stepped in. I grew up with a big, strong, man hero around all the time. Men were always taking care of business. I never had to do anything I didn't want to do. Oil changes, hanging Christmas lights, building stuff, fixing holes in the wall, disposing of my pet turtle's lifeless shell after a bird pecked off his head while he swam in the backyard pond... Dad, my bro, or one of the dudes I was dating always did the "man" work.

It's only when I'm alone that I cling to a hero. When I'm with others, I'm the mutha fukin hero. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of business when others are relying on me. In fact I enjoy managing chaos. I've crawled into a rolled over vehicle and held a dude in a spinal clamp till paramedics came and left covered in someone elses blood. Or the night I stitched up the strippers leg in the middle of no where. Or the night I ran into the bar where shots were being fired so I could get my co worker to safety. I've dug cars out of ditches, ripped off the shirt of my back to make a sling for someone else. I've stayed up all night and day to keep my friends company in the hospital when they were scared out of their mind. As much as I'm instinctualy the hero for others, I've never considered taking care of business on my own, for myself, till now.

and Now I'm in the city alone (and single for the first time since I was 18.) No big, strong, man to save this damsel anymore. When sucky, crappy work has to be done... it's just me. So this morning I picked up Muffin's dog dishes for the first time in 3 months, and I gathered his toys. No one was gonna save me from how much this was going to suck. No one was going to magically show up and make all his dog stuff vanish when I wasn't looking. I had to rip off the figurative band aid myself. I knew that just touching that food dish would cause me to choke back tears.
But It was time to move on. Even though I wasn't ready.
By holding on I was holding myself back.

Doing the big grown up thing sucks sometimes.

So now my home looks like it came from the pages a magazine. No dog dishes, no leash at the door. Just a nice clean house for this damsel. Don't know what I'm gonna do with myself. But I'll have to figure it out pretty quickly the next time I'm tied to train tracks.

How

The Photo that documents the happiest day of my life April 20th 2010
at the Telus WORLD Ski and Snowboard Festival

Samantha is used to living as a public figure, and entertainer. She lives for the show.  Her natural energy and positive, unstoppable attitude is an assets to the events she hosts and performs at. A true professional. This girl gets the job done with style and pizzazz like no other!!!


THE SAMANTHA MACK is known as one of Vancouver's finest entertainers, Internet sensations, radio personalities, philanthropists, emcees, spokes models and of course living close to Whistler BC the queen of the snowboard!! You can find Samantha at all of the biggest, bestest, and brightest events that Vancouver and all of BC has to offer!!

7 years ago Samantha moved to Vancouver and quickly went from Lifeguard to Showgirl. She's travelled all over North America with her various shows. Her dynamic shows quickly took her out off the make shift stages in bars and into theatres, Night Clubs, Gay Bars, Private Events, Dinner Theatres, Fetish Clubs, Conventions and Expos. Her largest audience was for Approx 5000 people where she performed a Jekyll and Hyde theme show with a shadow wall, a trapeze style bondage show and fire.

Soon after taking to the stage, she found herself holding the microphone. Her quick wit and pure sass had audiences loving everything that came out of her mouth.

You can frequently hear her on CiTR Radio, where she was a host of Vancouver's QueerFM for 2 years. If you're looking for her, you can spot her at the Taboo Sex Expo in Vancouver and the Naughty But Nice Show in the Fraser Valley, highlighted in The Ryan Steele Show, hosting the Tattoo convention, singing at the Rhinestone Stiletto Show, dancing, and breathing fire at the Exotic Circus, Hosting parties at Winter Pride in Whistler, and making jokes with Patrick Maliha on the XXX Comedy Show!!
One of the biggest and most dynamic personalities that you will see and not one to be missed!!

Behind the Scenes constructing the trapeze for a summer performance!!!

My Opinion on PORN

Hey Samantha, just wondering your opinion on porn. My girlfriend is basically banning me from it. She doesn't want me watching it at all, wants to sell a few DVDs that I have (why buy when we have pornhub?) Here's her reasoning, apparently studies show that men who watch porn are more likely to cheat, and I don't think she understands "alone time" she has stated she's never masturbated so maybe s...he doesn't really get it, we've been together for over a year and she's know I've watched porn when she met me. I'm open about it, its just fantasy and its nice to have some alone time once in a while or on drought week. Sex is amazing with her and I don't want to cheat on her. I just figured being that your awesome and very open about these types of things, I'm wondering your opinion.

OK well first of all. Every time you admit to watching free porn. It PISSES ME OFF!!! Adult Entertainers get paid per download. Their rent check is based on people NOT stealing their freaking videos and handing them out for free!!! But that being said. I'm sure we've all "accidentally" watched free porn at some point.

grrrrr, now that's off my chest....

Watching Porn = Cheating

OK, let me say this strictly from MY point of view. If your man unloads his (insert funny way to say ball sack here) at home before going out it's unlikely that he'll be horny when he goes out. I think porn is a great way to keep your man and improve your sex life. And let's face it, some of those pornos have some amazing moves that I hope my man will study and try on me!!!

However, having been a insecure girlfriend before. What she's really saying is "don't think those girls are prettier than me and lose interest in me. I love you and want so badly to be enough for you but I don't think I can hold a candle to those cum covered, glam dolls with a both a pleased and flawless look on their face when they tastes that bitter, warm, gooey spunk while that dick plays target practise with their uvula."  

Problem: she says watching porn = cheating.

Real Problem: She doesn't want to lose you and is worried you like the porn girls more than her

Simple Solution: Don't watch porn

Real Solution: Reassurance, honesty, and trust

NOW let's talk about masturbation!!!

It's good!!! DAMN GOOOD!!!

It can improve self-esteem by helping people become more confident in their sexuality and more aware of their bodies.

She said she DOESN'T masturbate?????

GIRL GET IT ON WITH YOUR SELF!!! How do you get to sleep at night??? Masturbation is incredible (if you're doing it right.) If you can't work your machine you have no right to complain if your partner can't do it for you. And the endorphin release is sooooooo worth it.

Reasons to masturbate:

1) GET RID OF STRESS

 Escaping from your busy life for some "YOU" time is necessary. Some people meditate, I prefer to masturbate. Particularly when used with sexual fantasy, masturbation can be a great escape, a way to let off some steam, and while masturbation alone might not be enough to deal with all the stress in your life, it’s a healthy, free, and non-pharmaceutical tool right at your fingertips.

2) PAIN RELIEF

Whether you’re experiencing temporary or chronic pain from sore joints, headaches, menstrual cramps, or other causes, masturbation and orgasm can, in some cases, provide natural pain relief.

3) GO TO SLEEP

While thinking about sex might keep you up at night, having it, including masturbation, is a great way to deal with insomnia.Whether it’s because of the hormones and endorphins released following orgasm, the benefits of clearing your head, or the mini cardio workout, masturbation that ends in orgasm is a great way to get to sleep without pills, television, or counting sheep.

4) SELF KNOWLEDGE

Masturbation is the safest, and best way to get to know how your sexual body works. You can learn what turns you on and what doesn’t. You can learn how to give yourself sexual pleasure in a hurry, or when you’ve got nothing but time. You must practise your art before becoming the master! If you want to be good in bed... practise, practise, practise!!!

Now you also said, "Sex is amazing with her and I don't want to cheat on her"

GREAT!!! NOW TELL HER!!! Tell her over and over again until she believes it!

I've been that girl who feels threatened every time my man's eyes were on another woman. But I've also been that girl naked on stage. The reality of it is, the girl in the magazine, or on the TV or computer screen, WILL NOT SUDDENLY COME TO LIFE and rip your man out of your loyal loving arms. She, lets call her porn girl, doesn't know he exists, and she doesn't give a shit about him, his dick or what he can do with it.

Most problems in relationships come from fear, a lack of confidence/self esteem.

WOMAN I AM TALKING TO YOU! Your man is with you for a reason. and it's great that he enjoys his sexuality. IT'S fantastic that when he can't have you he ONLY enjoys himself. It's amazing that he can fantasize!!! These are GOOD!!!

SIR I AM NOW TALKING TO YOU!!!

Your woman loves you and is terrified she's going to lose you. Open your big mouth and tell her she's your everything. Show her she turns you on. Share the joy of porn with her. DO NOT HIDE YOUR PORN!!! DO NOT LIE ABOUT IT. The key to your success here is to make her trust you. If you lie and hide it from her and she finds out you'll be in a huge battle and the sex no matter how good, might be gone forever!!!

Now my da'lings. GO touch, lick, kiss, stroke, FUCK!!!! Get out of your apprehensive, head space and FEEL, just feel!!! Enjoy what feels good!!! Explore. It's OK to giggle. It's OK to not know what you're doing! ASK questions, try new things!

Take it to the next level... MAKE YOUR OWN PORNO!!!!!! Take sexy pictures together! BE the person in your lover's fantasy. Dress up, roll play.

But most of all

HAVE FUN dirty, raunchy fun. the kind of fun you can only have behind closed doors!!!

as Nike would say, JUST DO IT!