Master of the Bait n Switch

I appear to be the master of the bait n switch, I upload photos of myself at events and shows, dressed to stand out... which in my mind is work. Moments later, I get countless messages saying, "you're so wild n crazy I wanna take you out and party all night!"
The reality is that once the lights fade and the audience leaves their beer stained seats... I'm curled up in my sweats and seeking a Soy latte - which is my idea of heavy drinking.
Now, I also get tons of work/gigs thanks to the popularity of these photos and word getting around that I host events. Which is GREAT!
But I also get countless messages from clueless men and women who could care less that I'm hosting a cancer benefit or an award show and comment profusely with little more than a grunt in the form of a word, such as, "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBS"
The general idea is that I'm a breathing version of a blow up doll who will drink you under the table then fuck you on top of it, all before asking your name.
Well, sorry to burst the bubble but I'm gonna go buy my dog yet another adorable sweater and watch some day time TV while daydreaming of happily ever after.

You can't judge a book by it's cover... or by it's bra size.

My apartment is trying to kill me

I made a cup of tea and a very hot bowl of rice and chicken covered in a yummy sauce. I put down the tea and then fumbled the bowl. It shattered as it hit the corner of my bed sending sauce and food down the side of the mattress and into the floor next to my tea cup. I put the tea cup on a stool. While I wiped up the mess i bumped the stool and the tea cup shattered on my row of stilettos under the window. At the end of the row of stilettos I have one pair of trail runners which now served as tea cups both partially filled with hot sticky liquid. Bed dismantled, bedding ready to be washed mattress scrubbed, floor mopped, shoes soaking in the tub. Broken dishes and food in the garbage... I go back to the kitchen to nuke a frozen dinner and make another cup of tea. Quickly standing up after changing the garbage bag i smack my head on the open cupboard and drop another tea cup. I slam my hand down on the counter to catch my balance and palm the end of a steak knife which grazes my hip. Slightly bleeding I turned on the tap to rinse my hands and wipe the blood off my hip. I had been washing dishes earlier And a few were still soaking so as the hot water poured out of the faucet it hit a plate precariously balanced on the measuring cup and sprayed water directly at me.
Now I am soaked, sore, bleeding, frustrated, hungry and convinced my apartment is trying to kill me.
Ever have just one of those days?!?!