Master of the Bait n Switch

I appear to be the master of the bait n switch, I upload photos of myself at events and shows, dressed to stand out... which in my mind is work. Moments later, I get countless messages saying, "you're so wild n crazy I wanna take you out and party all night!"
The reality is that once the lights fade and the audience leaves their beer stained seats... I'm curled up in my sweats and seeking a Soy latte - which is my idea of heavy drinking.
Now, I also get tons of work/gigs thanks to the popularity of these photos and word getting around that I host events. Which is GREAT!
But I also get countless messages from clueless men and women who could care less that I'm hosting a cancer benefit or an award show and comment profusely with little more than a grunt in the form of a word, such as, "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBS"
The general idea is that I'm a breathing version of a blow up doll who will drink you under the table then fuck you on top of it, all before asking your name.
Well, sorry to burst the bubble but I'm gonna go buy my dog yet another adorable sweater and watch some day time TV while daydreaming of happily ever after.

You can't judge a book by it's cover... or by it's bra size.