Halloween is for kids.

I'm choking back tears as I drive to work at the strip club. My phone alerts going off with pictures of my friends, my age, not in slutty costumes but warm goofy ones, showing off their cute kids In the cute costumes they stayed up all night making or worked over time to buy. It's 7:30 and some of them are already carrying home their exhausted and/or sugar crashed little ones after just a tiny bit of trick-or-treating. 

Holidays were made for kids. Decorations, music, outfits... We do all this to provide te young ones with happy memories of togetherness. 

Right now I feel so lonely. No one to make a costume for, no one to provide a magical spooky holiday experience for. No trick or treaters bouncing with excitement at my door. There's really no reason for me to celebrate Halloween. It just another Thursday.

 

Tonight the life I have, and the life I want, are two very different things. 

I don't know when I suddenly grew up but apparently I'm an adult now and I feel like I'm missing out on all the best parts of being a grown up.