my little brother is an amazing man
so selfless and giving, he bends over backwards for his friends. he goes out of his way to
help the people who are important to him. He's drivin to the middle of nowherer in the middle of the night to save his friends in distress. He is protective of his friends and his family. he's one of the most responsible people i know. And he doesn't think twice when life requires him to "man up." He doesn't pass the buck, he doesn't leave people hanging. He does what he says and says what he does. He is brave, He is thoughtfull, He really is our local hero.
I really am quite impressed by him, his values, his standards, his choices... He's quite simply just an all around good guy.
He's not irrational. He listens. and takes everything to heart. He's not suave with cheesey lines. He doesn't dress to impress. When you see him it's usually just his legs sticking out from under a friends broken down truck. He's not a player. He's honest and says what he thinks. He wont lead you on, or fill your ear with broken promises. He is who he is, what you see is what you get. No hidden surprises, no tricks, no games.
So ladies...
Count your lucky stars if you get to meet this guy.
BUT if you have the audacity to use him, trick him, hurt him... watch out for me. He's my little brother, and I am very protective of him.
Wednesday, 30 November 2011
Leaving My Mark on the World
I know I'm loud, outspoken, at times larger than life and maybe sometimes a bit intimidating.. But under all the hairspray and eye shadow it's my goal to be the sweetest girl in the universe. Yeah, I'm a great set of tits But I want to be remembered for being throughful, kind, giving...
In my past people helped me when I just couldn't do it on my own. I'll never be able to pay them back, The gift was too much. It was hard to accept. But to them it was nothing. It made them happy to help me.. And what was a tremendous gift to me was heart warming happiness to them..
I now seek this heart warming happiness. (Pay it forward) I count my success in how many lives I can touch not in how many dollars are in my bank account.
Whatever time I have left...
I want to give myself to loving people, and helping people.
In my past people helped me when I just couldn't do it on my own. I'll never be able to pay them back, The gift was too much. It was hard to accept. But to them it was nothing. It made them happy to help me.. And what was a tremendous gift to me was heart warming happiness to them..
I now seek this heart warming happiness. (Pay it forward) I count my success in how many lives I can touch not in how many dollars are in my bank account.
Whatever time I have left...
I want to give myself to loving people, and helping people.
Living in the NOW, not what could be or what might be...
June 2 2010
Why are we so afraid to turn off our cell phones? Why do we insist on watching television? Why can we earn advanced degrees, run businesses, and give birth while barely batting an eyelash, yet the mere thought of spending a Saturday night alone makes us panic? We are so strong, yet so weak. We are so brave, yet so afraid.
Could it be that "making it" means being grateful for this very moment in life? Could it be that the key to fulfillment is learning to live fully in the present instead of constantly contemplating the future? Could it be that happiness can only be found in this moment, that the elusive "there" for which we endlessly strive is actually 'here', in front of us, easily within reach?
We are not owed anything in life. This existence itself is a gift and for it we are forever in dept. The only was to pay back this debt is with gratitude. Life owes me nothing, but I owe everything to life.
It is your choice whether to view the proverbial glass as half-empty or half-full. You can choose to label your life as lacking and dissatisfying, or you can label it complete and fulfilling.
Living in the moment... I want to master this. I want to live in the now, not the what could be, not the what might be... Just now. This is my reality, this is all I have to work with, I want to embrace it and make it into the best moment I can.
Dancing is not something you do with your head. It is something you feel with you body. Dancing is best when thought has been abandoned.
Dare to do the impossible. It seems that so many of us, so much of the time, are asked by the world to do things that feel utterly impossible. And so many of us, so much of the time, find strength from God knows where to simply make it happen.
I want to embrace everything that life offers me. I want to take comfort in the wild, mysterious natural order of things. I don't want to spend my life watching the clock. I don't want to punch a time card. I don't want to make a checklist. I don't want to live my life like a day planner, scheduling and organizing. I not want to panic,
"when am I going to meet Mr.Right? When am I going to have babies? When am I going to get my book published? When am I going to see my first gray hair? When am I going to be a success? When am I going to die?"
I want to wait for the events of my life the way a little girl waits for Santa Clause, excited and wide-eyed. I want to live like this all the way through to my last breath.
The purpose of this life is not to find one perfect, all-encompassing mate. (No offence to all you happy couples) It is not to mindlessly have babies. It is not to gain notoriety or fame or fortune. The purpose of this life is to find that place inside yourself where you can remain peaceful and optimistic no matter what the outside world throws your way.
I blatantly refuse to spend all my energy making the perfect future that I forget to experience today.
Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding with our minds exactly what we want our hearts to feel, sometimes we just have to go with the flow and just enjoy life.
This moment right here, right now is all I have - I want it to be a moment to remember.
Why are we so afraid to turn off our cell phones? Why do we insist on watching television? Why can we earn advanced degrees, run businesses, and give birth while barely batting an eyelash, yet the mere thought of spending a Saturday night alone makes us panic? We are so strong, yet so weak. We are so brave, yet so afraid.
Could it be that "making it" means being grateful for this very moment in life? Could it be that the key to fulfillment is learning to live fully in the present instead of constantly contemplating the future? Could it be that happiness can only be found in this moment, that the elusive "there" for which we endlessly strive is actually 'here', in front of us, easily within reach?
We are not owed anything in life. This existence itself is a gift and for it we are forever in dept. The only was to pay back this debt is with gratitude. Life owes me nothing, but I owe everything to life.
It is your choice whether to view the proverbial glass as half-empty or half-full. You can choose to label your life as lacking and dissatisfying, or you can label it complete and fulfilling.
Living in the moment... I want to master this. I want to live in the now, not the what could be, not the what might be... Just now. This is my reality, this is all I have to work with, I want to embrace it and make it into the best moment I can.
Dancing is not something you do with your head. It is something you feel with you body. Dancing is best when thought has been abandoned.
Dare to do the impossible. It seems that so many of us, so much of the time, are asked by the world to do things that feel utterly impossible. And so many of us, so much of the time, find strength from God knows where to simply make it happen.
I want to embrace everything that life offers me. I want to take comfort in the wild, mysterious natural order of things. I don't want to spend my life watching the clock. I don't want to punch a time card. I don't want to make a checklist. I don't want to live my life like a day planner, scheduling and organizing. I not want to panic,
"when am I going to meet Mr.Right? When am I going to have babies? When am I going to get my book published? When am I going to see my first gray hair? When am I going to be a success? When am I going to die?"
I want to wait for the events of my life the way a little girl waits for Santa Clause, excited and wide-eyed. I want to live like this all the way through to my last breath.
The purpose of this life is not to find one perfect, all-encompassing mate. (No offence to all you happy couples) It is not to mindlessly have babies. It is not to gain notoriety or fame or fortune. The purpose of this life is to find that place inside yourself where you can remain peaceful and optimistic no matter what the outside world throws your way.
I blatantly refuse to spend all my energy making the perfect future that I forget to experience today.
Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding with our minds exactly what we want our hearts to feel, sometimes we just have to go with the flow and just enjoy life.
This moment right here, right now is all I have - I want it to be a moment to remember.
You can hump and exotic dancer.. but you can't date one.
May 20 2010
So you've spotted a beautiful woman who you'd love to date. But if she's an adult enterainer, that complicates things. There are lots of stereotypes you need to be aware of (and ignore) before you make your move, or else you'll ruin your chances of ever getting to know her better.
I think if you asked a random man "so and so the ______________ (adult entertainer of whatever genre) is coming out with us" the dude would be thrilled. It's cool to hang out with someone with an exciting title, or job...
But when it comes to dating that kind of girl...
It takes a special type of man. Boy are they few and far between.
Boyfriends get protective. They don't like to share, and instead of understanding the industry they don't want to hear it, and get crazy ideas in their heads.
I've come to face facts that guys want to date adult entertainers, but taking one home to your mom is a different story. Sure the girl is fun to hang out with, totally loyal and trustworthy, and a rock star in the bedroom.... if you're lucky.
but do you want some hot chick with a fantastic rack taking your kids to t-ball?? What will the neighbours think?!?
I mean wacking off to her plastic image is one thing. Heck humping her in real life is worthy of water cooler gossip, but be seen with her around your "normal" friends.... out of the question!
He'll make up fake job titles for you because if you're HIS girlfriend you have to be seen as a real person... Let me guess he'll tell his co workers you're a waitress at a bar... that's why you work nights... yeah they will believe that...
Guys want to go out with, hump, and party with adult entertainers.
But a relationship is out of the question... If a girl is on display to make money (strippers, web cam, porn star, waitresses, door girls, models, promo girls etc.) the special men in their lives go bonkers. They can't handle someone looking at their property... the fear turns to jealousy, and jealousy turns to an outrageous lack of trust, and the downward spiral begins...
Exotic Entertainers get lots of attention, in the club and oftentimes out of it. If you can't handle your partner receiving plenty of admiration, dating an entertainerr is probably not for you. Don't go into a relationship with a entertainerr thinking you can 'change' her or expect her to get another job. Either accept what she does or find someone else.
So guys want to go out, and if I'm lucky hump diddily bump! But it'll never last. I guess there is an expectation to every rule... but I'll keep believing that it'll never last. and maybe one day I'll be surprised.
Once a guy gets to know the person behind the stage name.. once he discovers that you're human and might possibly have flaws.... The attraction will be gone. You'll just be a real girl with a job that worries the heck out of him.
And who wants to date a real girl?
“I think men are afraid to be with a successful woman, because we are terribly strong, we know what we want and we are not fragile enough.”
Shirley Bassey
I think if you asked a random man "so and so the ______________ (adult entertainer of whatever genre) is coming out with us" the dude would be thrilled. It's cool to hang out with someone with an exciting title, or job...
But when it comes to dating that kind of girl...
It takes a special type of man. Boy are they few and far between.
Boyfriends get protective. They don't like to share, and instead of understanding the industry they don't want to hear it, and get crazy ideas in their heads.
I've come to face facts that guys want to date adult entertainers, but taking one home to your mom is a different story. Sure the girl is fun to hang out with, totally loyal and trustworthy, and a rock star in the bedroom.... if you're lucky.
but do you want some hot chick with a fantastic rack taking your kids to t-ball?? What will the neighbours think?!?
I mean wacking off to her plastic image is one thing. Heck humping her in real life is worthy of water cooler gossip, but be seen with her around your "normal" friends.... out of the question!
He'll make up fake job titles for you because if you're HIS girlfriend you have to be seen as a real person... Let me guess he'll tell his co workers you're a waitress at a bar... that's why you work nights... yeah they will believe that...
Guys want to go out with, hump, and party with adult entertainers.
But a relationship is out of the question... If a girl is on display to make money (strippers, web cam, porn star, waitresses, door girls, models, promo girls etc.) the special men in their lives go bonkers. They can't handle someone looking at their property... the fear turns to jealousy, and jealousy turns to an outrageous lack of trust, and the downward spiral begins...
Exotic Entertainers get lots of attention, in the club and oftentimes out of it. If you can't handle your partner receiving plenty of admiration, dating an entertainerr is probably not for you. Don't go into a relationship with a entertainerr thinking you can 'change' her or expect her to get another job. Either accept what she does or find someone else.
So guys want to go out, and if I'm lucky hump diddily bump! But it'll never last. I guess there is an expectation to every rule... but I'll keep believing that it'll never last. and maybe one day I'll be surprised.
Once a guy gets to know the person behind the stage name.. once he discovers that you're human and might possibly have flaws.... The attraction will be gone. You'll just be a real girl with a job that worries the heck out of him.
And who wants to date a real girl?
“I think men are afraid to be with a successful woman, because we are terribly strong, we know what we want and we are not fragile enough.”
Shirley Bassey
Samantha Mack Hosts Canada's First Adult Awards - May 2010
City hosts Canada's first adult awards
Porn industry award show recognizes support workers, advocacy organizations
Read more: http://www.vancourier.com/entertainment/City+hosts+Canada+first+adult+awards/3025694/story.html#ixzz1fDaaic7Q
The first Canadian adult entertainment awards ceremony takes place next month at the Rio Theatre on East Broadway.
Annie Temple, one of the organizers of The Naked Truth Adult Entertainment Awards, said the June 9 event is likely the first adult industry awards show in Canada.
"There's been exotic dance competitions and the Feminist Porn Awards, but I googled and searched and couldn't find anything like this," said Temple, an exotic dancer. "I've also never heard of a show like this before in Canada either, and I'm in the industry."
Winners of the awards have been selected via online voting at NakedTruth.ca, a website about the adult entertainment industry. Temple said the voting was done by members of the website and were submitted from around the world. While some of the categories are to be expected at an adult industry awards show, such as favourite adult film and favourite male striptease artist, others are less obvious.
Temple said the awards were designed to acknowledge all aspects of the industry so categories were included to recognize support workers, sex worker advocates and advocacy organizations. WISH Drop-in Centre Society from Vancouver tied in the advocacy category with Montreal-based Stella, a community group that offers support to sex-trade workers. Vancouver-based Susan Davis was named favourite sex worker advocate. "We really appreciate what these workers do," Temple said.
Industry co-workers recognized include DJs, make-up artists, sex-industry business owners and even patrons. She added next year a "favourite driver" category will be included to recognize the drivers who escort sex-trade workers and dancers to work and often act as bodyguards.
A Vancouver adult film performer, who goes by the name Mz. Scream, was thrilled with the award she'll be receiving at the show for her particular ability with a biological function. Reached by phone in Hamilton Ont., a stop on her tour before heading to Montreal, she told the Courier an adult awards show was overdue in Canada.
"We have to be the least appreciated performers, but I feel that it's time we're recognized for our work," she said. "Other people who do a good job and make people happy are recognized for their work, so why shouldn't we?"
She said since Canada is recovering from the recent recession, the show was a timely opportunity to celebrate. "Adult entertainment is a huge industry that employs a lot of people in Canada," she said. "It's almost an essential service, because so many people are involved in making other people happy."
Temple said the awards are new and some of the international winners haven't responded to her queries. Following the awards show, hosted by entertainer Samantha Mack, ticket holders are invited to a "no cameras allowed" party where they can meet major players in the adult entertainment industry.
sthomas@vancourier.com
© Copyright (c) Lower Mainland Publishing
"Buying Sex Is Not A Sport" Global News Coverage
December 6 2009
Buying sex is not a sport.... on global... they're using photos of the PENTHOUSE and talking about how women (including women in strip clubs) are sold as sex slaves.... uh, I work there, and trust me no one's having sex.
They say that we've lost the ability to make decisions for ourselves. They are talking about how men are taking women, targeting girls and then taking them away from their friends and family shooting us up with drugs and selling us for sex. Men are hunting women...
Let's get this straight. Men are not all bad, evil, sex crazed neandrethals. Women (even those in strip clubs) CAN make decisions for themselves.
And pole dancing, is fun. Thats why women off all shapes and sizes are flocking to classes like tantra fitness. The dancers I work with enjoy dressing up and dancing. We feel sexy, we feel confident, we feel empowered, we get this great escape from the monotony of life as we use a stage name, and become a character for a few hours. It's fun, it's liberating.
There are some girls, who don't see it as a job. They use their time working at the strip club to party... and their cash goes to the bar tabs and they get suck having to work more to catch up on the bills. That could happen with ANY job. Girls anywhere who party to excess can make a poor decisions. Just like how girls anywhere who work hard and enjoy their jobs can be successful. It's not rocket science.
Don't assume that just because a girl has an amazing rack and 6 inch stilettos that she's a sex slave. Also don't assume that men who go to strip clubs are psychotic, sex crazed beasts praying on anyone with a vagina.
Buying sex is not a sport.... on global... they're using photos of the PENTHOUSE and talking about how women (including women in strip clubs) are sold as sex slaves.... uh, I work there, and trust me no one's having sex.
They say that we've lost the ability to make decisions for ourselves. They are talking about how men are taking women, targeting girls and then taking them away from their friends and family shooting us up with drugs and selling us for sex. Men are hunting women...
Let's get this straight. Men are not all bad, evil, sex crazed neandrethals. Women (even those in strip clubs) CAN make decisions for themselves.
And pole dancing, is fun. Thats why women off all shapes and sizes are flocking to classes like tantra fitness. The dancers I work with enjoy dressing up and dancing. We feel sexy, we feel confident, we feel empowered, we get this great escape from the monotony of life as we use a stage name, and become a character for a few hours. It's fun, it's liberating.
There are some girls, who don't see it as a job. They use their time working at the strip club to party... and their cash goes to the bar tabs and they get suck having to work more to catch up on the bills. That could happen with ANY job. Girls anywhere who party to excess can make a poor decisions. Just like how girls anywhere who work hard and enjoy their jobs can be successful. It's not rocket science.
Don't assume that just because a girl has an amazing rack and 6 inch stilettos that she's a sex slave. Also don't assume that men who go to strip clubs are psychotic, sex crazed beasts praying on anyone with a vagina.
Vancouver Courier News
Feb 2009
"STRIPPED BARE"
...
For exotic dancer Samantha Mack, performing in "Vancouver" now means travelling to Cloverdale, Maple Ridge and Aldergrove. Fewer stage show opportunities also means an increased reliance on selling private dances and self-promotion--be it increasing her web presence or hawking autographed posters, condoms, lighters, fridge magnets and other personalized swag when she performs at clubs. Then there's the cost of "upkeep."
"I always joke that before I had implants, before I had a tan, before I had hair extensions, before I looked stripperific, you know I was making great money," laughs Mack.
She got into the business in 2005 after she lost 100 pounds, took pole dance lessons and changed her job description to what sounds like a Hollywood movie plot of lifeguard by day, stripper by night. "But as the years go by, it
definitely changes," says Mack, "and there are lots more young couples and girls who come in, and girls aren't known for being big tippers, girls aren't known for getting VIP dances, so at the bars it's not the old men's club that it used to be."
These days, Mack splits her schedule between competing in fitness competitions and dancing, although she spends less time at home. While the local strip club landscape dries up, it's booming in Alberta, fuelled by an influx of young men fresh off the oilrigs with disposable income and a few rowdy nights a week in which to spend it. "The next six months of my life looks like the majority of my time will be spent in Alberta," Mack says, a few days before embarking on an eight-week tour of the prairie province. "There's definitely more clubs, and more reliable clubs out there."
Besides an intimate knowledge of small-town Alberta, Mack says exotic dancing has given her the tools for starting her own business. Once she reaches the ripe old retirement age of 30, she plans to start a fitness company for large women "who want the chance to feel sexy and empowered."
"I've had to go headfirst into self-marketing. I feel I can run pretty much any business out there... You learn pretty quickly how to work with people and mediate the public and entice them into what you are trying to sell."
As for the decline of strips clubs in Vancouver, Mack thinks once the Olympics are over and "everyone calms down," the market will improve. "It's huge in Alberta right now, the quality of the shows, the quality of the girls--the positive attitude is fantastic. But I think once the Olympics are done, there will be an opportunity for girls again. It's just whether the people who are in the industry at the time want to take that opportunity."
"STRIPPED BARE"
...
For exotic dancer Samantha Mack, performing in "Vancouver" now means travelling to Cloverdale, Maple Ridge and Aldergrove. Fewer stage show opportunities also means an increased reliance on selling private dances and self-promotion--be it increasing her web presence or hawking autographed posters, condoms, lighters, fridge magnets and other personalized swag when she performs at clubs. Then there's the cost of "upkeep."
"I always joke that before I had implants, before I had a tan, before I had hair extensions, before I looked stripperific, you know I was making great money," laughs Mack.
She got into the business in 2005 after she lost 100 pounds, took pole dance lessons and changed her job description to what sounds like a Hollywood movie plot of lifeguard by day, stripper by night. "But as the years go by, it
definitely changes," says Mack, "and there are lots more young couples and girls who come in, and girls aren't known for being big tippers, girls aren't known for getting VIP dances, so at the bars it's not the old men's club that it used to be."
These days, Mack splits her schedule between competing in fitness competitions and dancing, although she spends less time at home. While the local strip club landscape dries up, it's booming in Alberta, fuelled by an influx of young men fresh off the oilrigs with disposable income and a few rowdy nights a week in which to spend it. "The next six months of my life looks like the majority of my time will be spent in Alberta," Mack says, a few days before embarking on an eight-week tour of the prairie province. "There's definitely more clubs, and more reliable clubs out there."
Besides an intimate knowledge of small-town Alberta, Mack says exotic dancing has given her the tools for starting her own business. Once she reaches the ripe old retirement age of 30, she plans to start a fitness company for large women "who want the chance to feel sexy and empowered."
"I've had to go headfirst into self-marketing. I feel I can run pretty much any business out there... You learn pretty quickly how to work with people and mediate the public and entice them into what you are trying to sell."
As for the decline of strips clubs in Vancouver, Mack thinks once the Olympics are over and "everyone calms down," the market will improve. "It's huge in Alberta right now, the quality of the shows, the quality of the girls--the positive attitude is fantastic. But I think once the Olympics are done, there will be an opportunity for girls again. It's just whether the people who are in the industry at the time want to take that opportunity."
My Fitness Competition Nov 2006
Sandra Wickham Fall Classic 2006
I had almost backed out 2 days ago. My trainer Lindsay told me I didn't work hard enough and maybe I should just keep training and try next time. Jenna told me I busted my ass and deserved to walk across that stage that this was for me not some medal around my neck or a trophy that will only collect dust on a shelf. She was right. I started this journey and I had to finish it. I emailed fitness models from my favorite magazines and Monica Brandt emailed me back the night before the show. She didn't know me. Her pics were glued to my training logs. She was my motivation. Such a strong woman yet so feminie and beautiful. I couldn't back out now. A real live fitness icon was cheering me on. I couldn't email her back and say, "oh sorry I'm a coward."
The stage lights were blinding. I stood in the 3/4 pose I was trained to hold. I couldn't feel my body anymore. This was over stimulation at it's finest. I could only hear my mom's voice cheering for me. Maybe because her voice was so recognizable to me. Maybe because she was cheering louder than anyone else. Maybe because afer years of being a school teacher she only has one volume in a loud auditorium.
They could only call 5 girls names. I was about to walk off stage when they called my number. Inside it felt like I exploded!!! Surely someone had made a mistake. I stood their shaking in my bikini.
"In 5th place... Samantha Mack"
If I wasn't so dehydrated I would have peed my pants right then and there. A medal was placed around my neck and I smiled as if I had just won the lottery. This was it! This was what loving yourself fleels like.
That night my mom had just gotten out of hospital to come see me. She cheered louder than anyone else. "Mistress T" was there too. (She wasn't known as Mistress T back then, she was just my girlfriend. My biggest source of support and encouragement. Not just encouragement towards fitness but towards any and all of my hair brained spontaneous ideas.) My mom had knit her a teal scarf and touque for winter and gave it to her at that show (random side note.) Mistress T and I drove home in my big brown monster truck. We walked up to Granville Street and she bought me the biggest slice of pizza ever. It was less satisfying than I had hoped. I was too exhausted to eat.
After "Mistress T" left my apartment I ordered from panago. I had craved pizza for 12 weeks. No matter how tired I was I had wanted it for so long now that no matter how much my stomach rejected it, my mind was going to love the taste of a tropical chicken pizza with extra pineapple!!!
That night I fell asleep with a bottle of coke under my arm and a panago pizza box on my lap.
I woke up the next morning with a bottle of coke under my arm and a mangled panago pizza box next to my satisfied looking Rottie, Mr Muffin Head. My dog had bad gas that day.
I went back to work at the No5 Orange the next night I brought my medal to show the roided out bouncers who had been cheering me on all week. I was so proud. And to my surprise, everyone was proud of me too.
I had almost backed out 2 days ago. My trainer Lindsay told me I didn't work hard enough and maybe I should just keep training and try next time. Jenna told me I busted my ass and deserved to walk across that stage that this was for me not some medal around my neck or a trophy that will only collect dust on a shelf. She was right. I started this journey and I had to finish it. I emailed fitness models from my favorite magazines and Monica Brandt emailed me back the night before the show. She didn't know me. Her pics were glued to my training logs. She was my motivation. Such a strong woman yet so feminie and beautiful. I couldn't back out now. A real live fitness icon was cheering me on. I couldn't email her back and say, "oh sorry I'm a coward."
The stage lights were blinding. I stood in the 3/4 pose I was trained to hold. I couldn't feel my body anymore. This was over stimulation at it's finest. I could only hear my mom's voice cheering for me. Maybe because her voice was so recognizable to me. Maybe because she was cheering louder than anyone else. Maybe because afer years of being a school teacher she only has one volume in a loud auditorium.
They could only call 5 girls names. I was about to walk off stage when they called my number. Inside it felt like I exploded!!! Surely someone had made a mistake. I stood their shaking in my bikini.
"In 5th place... Samantha Mack"
If I wasn't so dehydrated I would have peed my pants right then and there. A medal was placed around my neck and I smiled as if I had just won the lottery. This was it! This was what loving yourself fleels like.
That night my mom had just gotten out of hospital to come see me. She cheered louder than anyone else. "Mistress T" was there too. (She wasn't known as Mistress T back then, she was just my girlfriend. My biggest source of support and encouragement. Not just encouragement towards fitness but towards any and all of my hair brained spontaneous ideas.) My mom had knit her a teal scarf and touque for winter and gave it to her at that show (random side note.) Mistress T and I drove home in my big brown monster truck. We walked up to Granville Street and she bought me the biggest slice of pizza ever. It was less satisfying than I had hoped. I was too exhausted to eat.
After "Mistress T" left my apartment I ordered from panago. I had craved pizza for 12 weeks. No matter how tired I was I had wanted it for so long now that no matter how much my stomach rejected it, my mind was going to love the taste of a tropical chicken pizza with extra pineapple!!!
That night I fell asleep with a bottle of coke under my arm and a panago pizza box on my lap.
I woke up the next morning with a bottle of coke under my arm and a mangled panago pizza box next to my satisfied looking Rottie, Mr Muffin Head. My dog had bad gas that day.
I went back to work at the No5 Orange the next night I brought my medal to show the roided out bouncers who had been cheering me on all week. I was so proud. And to my surprise, everyone was proud of me too.
How Far I've Come
Written: Sunday, November 05, 2006
Here's my story:
I was never a skinny kid. Never a cute kid. Big buck teeth, braces, head gear, retainers, glasses, perms, and a knee brace.
Why the knee brace? Cause my body was tired of holding up my chubby little body. Yes, I was that girl in ballette class who wore the knee brace. I was also that little girl who had to have her costumes custom made because your generic small, medium, and large, wasn't an option.
I was always told I was "strong." Or "big boned." AKA FAT!
My two best friends growing up were super thin. People always told them that they could be models when they grew up. No one ever told me that they thought I could be a model.
I cried myself to sleep, a lot, wishing that one day I would be pretty. Wishing that one day boys might pay attention to me. I wanted so badly just to be pretty.
After high school I lived in denial until I was 20.
I was barley fitting into my size 17 clothing and I honestly thought that my clothes were shrinking in the wash.
I was buying size 22 at one point. Did I clue in that I might be putting on weight??? NO I simply looked down and saw my big boobs and thought about how lucky I was to be blessed with huge knockers.
I have a million stories like these. But rather than prove how stupid I was let me get to the point.
I didn't think I was FAT I thought that fashion was getting smaller, to suit the growing asian population. Really, this is the way my brain worked.
Then one day I saw the light.....
Actually I was shoved into the light by a co-worker that I looked up to. I was a lifeguard at the time. I was about to take over on deck for my supervisor when she decided to tell me about the funny conversation she just had with a pool patron.
She said, "That lady over there asked me if you were my daughter. ha ha. I said, 'WHY, 'CAUSE WE'RE BOTH FAT!'"
And just like that my bubble burst. My supervisor thought I was fat. Oh God what happened to me!!! Who did this to me???? I'm FAT???!?!?!
I cried a lot that weekend. A LOT!!! I freaked right out. Come Monday, I had planned my revenge. I was gonna get skinny and rub it in their noses.
I bought the BODY FOR LIFE journal and started working out and eating healthier. And I wasn't quiet about it. I worked out at the gym at work so my supervisor would often walk by and see me working out before between and after shifts. I brought extra healthy food to share and pushed it in my supervisors nose when she went to the vending machine at lunch.
I was BCRPA certified in group fitness. Soon my classes were the most popular because week by week you could watch my body change. People started coming up to me in the gym asking for advice.
I went from fat girl to fitness guru!!!
I started telling people that I was going to compete in womens fitness one day.... Then I got cocky and said I'm going to compete in 2006. Now this was back in 2004 when I was still waddling around at 200+lbs. I believed it though. All I wanted was a career in fitness. I wanted to be amazing. My everyday was consumed by these thoughts.
The first 30lbs were the easiest. They just melted away. From then on it's slowly gotten harder and harder. Every 10lbs I would reward myself. When I hit 80lbs lost I treated myself to a pole dancing class.
Badda Bing Badda Boom. I became an Exotic Dancer.
Somehow the dreams of a career in fitness faded. Being an exotic dancer took over.
Then this August at my beach birthday party. My girlfriend (Jenna Weeks) tells me that she's training for a fitness competition.
My first thought:
BITCH! You can't compete. That's my dream!
My first words:
I want in!
The following Monday I met up with Lyndsay from www.competitionready.com and the journey picked up right where it left off.
It wasn't easy this time. Not like before. The diet is strict. The workouts left me limping. I pushed through. Not as well as I would have liked to. Life happens after all. I should have... could have tried harder.... wah wah wah. I don't need to make excuses. I've come too far to give up now.
So I'm sticking to my word. And I am competing in 2006. Nov18th. I may not get the highest marks. But I've earned my turn it the spotlight.
So I'm going to stand on that stage - and my smile will be genuine. For the fat little girl I used to be - This was her dream.
Here's my story:
Why the knee brace? Cause my body was tired of holding up my chubby little body. Yes, I was that girl in ballette class who wore the knee brace. I was also that little girl who had to have her costumes custom made because your generic small, medium, and large, wasn't an option.
I was always told I was "strong." Or "big boned." AKA FAT!
My two best friends growing up were super thin. People always told them that they could be models when they grew up. No one ever told me that they thought I could be a model.
I cried myself to sleep, a lot, wishing that one day I would be pretty. Wishing that one day boys might pay attention to me. I wanted so badly just to be pretty.
After high school I lived in denial until I was 20.
I was barley fitting into my size 17 clothing and I honestly thought that my clothes were shrinking in the wash.
I was buying size 22 at one point. Did I clue in that I might be putting on weight??? NO I simply looked down and saw my big boobs and thought about how lucky I was to be blessed with huge knockers.
I have a million stories like these. But rather than prove how stupid I was let me get to the point.
I didn't think I was FAT I thought that fashion was getting smaller, to suit the growing asian population. Really, this is the way my brain worked.
Then one day I saw the light.....
Actually I was shoved into the light by a co-worker that I looked up to. I was a lifeguard at the time. I was about to take over on deck for my supervisor when she decided to tell me about the funny conversation she just had with a pool patron.
She said, "That lady over there asked me if you were my daughter. ha ha. I said, 'WHY, 'CAUSE WE'RE BOTH FAT!'"
And just like that my bubble burst. My supervisor thought I was fat. Oh God what happened to me!!! Who did this to me???? I'm FAT???!?!?!
I cried a lot that weekend. A LOT!!! I freaked right out. Come Monday, I had planned my revenge. I was gonna get skinny and rub it in their noses.
I bought the BODY FOR LIFE journal and started working out and eating healthier. And I wasn't quiet about it. I worked out at the gym at work so my supervisor would often walk by and see me working out before between and after shifts. I brought extra healthy food to share and pushed it in my supervisors nose when she went to the vending machine at lunch.
I was BCRPA certified in group fitness. Soon my classes were the most popular because week by week you could watch my body change. People started coming up to me in the gym asking for advice.
I went from fat girl to fitness guru!!!
I started telling people that I was going to compete in womens fitness one day.... Then I got cocky and said I'm going to compete in 2006. Now this was back in 2004 when I was still waddling around at 200+lbs. I believed it though. All I wanted was a career in fitness. I wanted to be amazing. My everyday was consumed by these thoughts.
The first 30lbs were the easiest. They just melted away. From then on it's slowly gotten harder and harder. Every 10lbs I would reward myself. When I hit 80lbs lost I treated myself to a pole dancing class.
Badda Bing Badda Boom. I became an Exotic Dancer.
Somehow the dreams of a career in fitness faded. Being an exotic dancer took over.
Then this August at my beach birthday party. My girlfriend (Jenna Weeks) tells me that she's training for a fitness competition.
My first thought:
BITCH! You can't compete. That's my dream!
My first words:
I want in!
The following Monday I met up with Lyndsay from www.competitionready.com and the journey picked up right where it left off.
It wasn't easy this time. Not like before. The diet is strict. The workouts left me limping. I pushed through. Not as well as I would have liked to. Life happens after all. I should have... could have tried harder.... wah wah wah. I don't need to make excuses. I've come too far to give up now.
So I'm sticking to my word. And I am competing in 2006. Nov18th. I may not get the highest marks. But I've earned my turn it the spotlight.
So I'm going to stand on that stage - and my smile will be genuine. For the fat little girl I used to be - This was her dream.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)