Here's my story:
Why the knee brace? Cause my body was tired of holding up my chubby little body. Yes, I was that girl in ballette class who wore the knee brace. I was also that little girl who had to have her costumes custom made because your generic small, medium, and large, wasn't an option.
I was always told I was "strong." Or "big boned." AKA FAT!
My two best friends growing up were super thin. People always told them that they could be models when they grew up. No one ever told me that they thought I could be a model.
I cried myself to sleep, a lot, wishing that one day I would be pretty. Wishing that one day boys might pay attention to me. I wanted so badly just to be pretty.
After high school I lived in denial until I was 20.
I was barley fitting into my size 17 clothing and I honestly thought that my clothes were shrinking in the wash.
I was buying size 22 at one point. Did I clue in that I might be putting on weight??? NO I simply looked down and saw my big boobs and thought about how lucky I was to be blessed with huge knockers.
I have a million stories like these. But rather than prove how stupid I was let me get to the point.
I didn't think I was FAT I thought that fashion was getting smaller, to suit the growing asian population. Really, this is the way my brain worked.
Then one day I saw the light.....
Actually I was shoved into the light by a co-worker that I looked up to. I was a lifeguard at the time. I was about to take over on deck for my supervisor when she decided to tell me about the funny conversation she just had with a pool patron.
She said, "That lady over there asked me if you were my daughter. ha ha. I said, 'WHY, 'CAUSE WE'RE BOTH FAT!'"
And just like that my bubble burst. My supervisor thought I was fat. Oh God what happened to me!!! Who did this to me???? I'm FAT???!?!?!
I cried a lot that weekend. A LOT!!! I freaked right out. Come Monday, I had planned my revenge. I was gonna get skinny and rub it in their noses.
I bought the BODY FOR LIFE journal and started working out and eating healthier. And I wasn't quiet about it. I worked out at the gym at work so my supervisor would often walk by and see me working out before between and after shifts. I brought extra healthy food to share and pushed it in my supervisors nose when she went to the vending machine at lunch.
I was BCRPA certified in group fitness. Soon my classes were the most popular because week by week you could watch my body change. People started coming up to me in the gym asking for advice.
I went from fat girl to fitness guru!!!
I started telling people that I was going to compete in womens fitness one day.... Then I got cocky and said I'm going to compete in 2006. Now this was back in 2004 when I was still waddling around at 200+lbs. I believed it though. All I wanted was a career in fitness. I wanted to be amazing. My everyday was consumed by these thoughts.
The first 30lbs were the easiest. They just melted away. From then on it's slowly gotten harder and harder. Every 10lbs I would reward myself. When I hit 80lbs lost I treated myself to a pole dancing class.
Badda Bing Badda Boom. I became an Exotic Dancer.
Somehow the dreams of a career in fitness faded. Being an exotic dancer took over.
Then this August at my beach birthday party. My girlfriend (Jenna Weeks) tells me that she's training for a fitness competition.
My first thought:
BITCH! You can't compete. That's my dream!
My first words:
I want in!
The following Monday I met up with Lyndsay from www.competitionready.com and the journey picked up right where it left off.
It wasn't easy this time. Not like before. The diet is strict. The workouts left me limping. I pushed through. Not as well as I would have liked to. Life happens after all. I should have... could have tried harder.... wah wah wah. I don't need to make excuses. I've come too far to give up now.
So I'm sticking to my word. And I am competing in 2006. Nov18th. I may not get the highest marks. But I've earned my turn it the spotlight.
So I'm going to stand on that stage - and my smile will be genuine. For the fat little girl I used to be - This was her dream.
No comments:
Post a Comment