Wednesday 28 December 2011

Dating is so Obnoxious

written March 5 2011
In my (almost) year of being single this is what I've learned.

When you wear beautiful expensive lingerie you're jinxing yourself... No ones ever gonna see it.
Wear the underwear with the hole and BAM! You'll have to pray he rips your clothing off fast enough to not notice your trashy wall mart purchase.

Clean your home, buy the aphrodisiac scented candles, elegant bedding, and matching towels.
By the time laundry day comes and you're sleeping on that fuzzy wolf blanket that you bought as a joke at the gas station on your last road trip, the candles are nothing but a blackened wick in a puddles of wax that clearly can no longer cover the smell of your wet dog... And it took not one but four of those nice new matching towels to soak up all the mud that so called adorable dog dragged into the house after that late night walk..... Then, and only then, will the stars align and that irresistible hunk of a man will come knocking at your door.

I remember that time we ran to my truck to escape the warm spring rain and I couldn't find my keys... You pushed me up against my wet truck, my back soaked, but I didn't care. As our bodies pressed into one another, Your hands tangled in my hair, we kissed Under the moonlight... It could have been perfect.... but our teeth kept banging into eachother like teenagers stealing kissed in your moms basement... Deadening the spontaneous romance in mere seconds.

Cupid is a sadistic bitch in bed with Murphy's law. My love life is merely a comedy show meant to entertain Aphrodite as she looks down from the heavens.

2 comments:

  1. So true. Similarly for a man, we will get a haircut, wash the camaro, clean the house and she will cancel the date or you meet and you just didnt feel the chemistry. BUT IN MY OPINION, the man has it harder and faces more of the let down. The first stage of dating blows. Its the 1 month and beyond we all like.

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