Here's a funny story:
I walked my dog to get coffee this morning, as I usually do. I tied him up to the lightpost, as I usually do, when I went in to get my coffee... As I usually do.
My coffee was particularly delicious this morning. I was thankful I paid the extra for the Venti. I really needed the caffine boost.
Upon realeasing my dog from the lightpost he somehow wriggled away while I was trying to re attach his leash to this collar. I reached out to grab him and the chase was on.
He ran across Davie Street and down Thurlow. Cars swerving and honking. I chased after him, yelling at an on comming gay couple to grab him.
I finally got my hands on the geriatric mutt. However I can't really scold him. Yell as I might, he's totally deaf, and he doesn't listen. ;)
I picked him up and held him with one hand to my hip like a laundry hamper. Now he doesn't like to be picked up. His little legs ran mid air as he panicked.
I was wearing my ex's baggy old lululemon pants that are, "fashionably sloppy." My little dog's paw quickly kicked my baggy pants off my ass. the fell round my ankles.
Luckily I have no shame, but I do have priorities. I dropped my coffee and tossed my dog over my shoulder and held him with one hand like a baby while my other hand pulled my pants up.
I walked back across Davie Street to the Starbucks where his leash was still attached to the lamp post.
A lady sitting outside had witnessed the chaos and offered some helpful advice, as strangers often do.
"you shouldn't let your dog run into traffic!" she said.
Not wanting to continue speaking to this person I responded in a calm clear tone of voice, "I'm sorry, I don't speak English."
Then she repeated herself, only this time she spoke MUCH MUCH LOUDER!!!
As I walked away with my dog secured to his leash... I looked at my fluffy, adorable, mennace on four legs, and thought "Why I didn't drop you and keep the Coffee."
Friday, 31 August 2012
Sunday, 26 August 2012
My Advice for MEN
For future reference:
Never tell a girl you wouldn't hump her unless you were overly intoxicated.
and saying,
"COMMON IT'S YOU"
doesn't make it any better.
EVEN if she is your bestest friend in the whole wide world.
Never tell a girl you wouldn't hump her unless you were overly intoxicated.
and saying,
"COMMON IT'S YOU"
doesn't make it any better.
EVEN if she is your bestest friend in the whole wide world.
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
cancer and porn?
A dear friend of mine had cancer recently.
He is a porn producer that I've worked with many times. He is also a father who is proud of his family. He is a boyfriend who loves boundlessly.
I've never seen him sad or depressed. Maybe because cancer teaches us that every moment that we do have is one to be thankful for. Each day on set He'd carry my bags, open my doors and treat me like a princess. Now I'm no diva. I'm perfectly capable of opening door for myself. But he would insist that I allow him to be a gentlman. Even when he was going in and out of the hospital for cancer treatments I had to argue with him to let me carry my own bags.
One day My girlfriend and I went to the hospital to see him after he had been repaired with man made body parts. He said he wanted to tell us something... (uh oh)
Now my girlfriend is the emotional hippy type and I'm uncomfortable with tears so I make jokes non stop to ease the tension in the air. I really hate to see people cry. So I joked about my unsuccessful love life. (it's always good for a laugh)
In the cafateria he started to make his big announcment. Tears poured from his face a he explained that what procedures has taken place. His voice cracked when he told us that the Dr had looked over his progress and said,
"You are now cancer free"
I'm choking back tears just remembering the moment.
It must have been incredible for the Dr to be able to tell someone who thought he was one foot in the grave, that he's gonna live!
Months later he's back on his feet. Directing, editing and producing porn. ...and back to opening doors and carrying my bags. (the light ones anyways, like I said I'm no diva. but you gotta let a man be a gentleman)
The treatments may have effected his manhood. But they also gave him a new found appreciation for all that is beautiful.
Now I understand some fetish porn that he produces much better. Being turned on, the chase, the exhileration is sometimes all you need. Those who would rather watch a women doing bicep curls, or walking in peep toe stilettos or perhaps they like goddess worship. They don't need a climax. The appreciation of a woman's body, her mouth her full, moist, pouty lips.. That's porn for them.
There's nothing weird about it. differnt strokes for different folks. and for some no stroking at all.
He is a porn producer that I've worked with many times. He is also a father who is proud of his family. He is a boyfriend who loves boundlessly.
I've never seen him sad or depressed. Maybe because cancer teaches us that every moment that we do have is one to be thankful for. Each day on set He'd carry my bags, open my doors and treat me like a princess. Now I'm no diva. I'm perfectly capable of opening door for myself. But he would insist that I allow him to be a gentlman. Even when he was going in and out of the hospital for cancer treatments I had to argue with him to let me carry my own bags.
One day My girlfriend and I went to the hospital to see him after he had been repaired with man made body parts. He said he wanted to tell us something... (uh oh)
Now my girlfriend is the emotional hippy type and I'm uncomfortable with tears so I make jokes non stop to ease the tension in the air. I really hate to see people cry. So I joked about my unsuccessful love life. (it's always good for a laugh)
In the cafateria he started to make his big announcment. Tears poured from his face a he explained that what procedures has taken place. His voice cracked when he told us that the Dr had looked over his progress and said,
"You are now cancer free"
I'm choking back tears just remembering the moment.
It must have been incredible for the Dr to be able to tell someone who thought he was one foot in the grave, that he's gonna live!
Months later he's back on his feet. Directing, editing and producing porn. ...and back to opening doors and carrying my bags. (the light ones anyways, like I said I'm no diva. but you gotta let a man be a gentleman)
The treatments may have effected his manhood. But they also gave him a new found appreciation for all that is beautiful.
Now I understand some fetish porn that he produces much better. Being turned on, the chase, the exhileration is sometimes all you need. Those who would rather watch a women doing bicep curls, or walking in peep toe stilettos or perhaps they like goddess worship. They don't need a climax. The appreciation of a woman's body, her mouth her full, moist, pouty lips.. That's porn for them.
Thursday, 9 August 2012
To Be Read Upon My Departure From This World
To be read once I am dismissed:
My life has been simply incredible. The value was not in it's length, but in the content. (like they say, size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it)
I have the worlds greatest parents. I like to call them my enablers. I was born into a loving family who bent over backwards to help me achieve each and every dream. I couldn't have asked for a better.
My lil bro is the greatest dude in the world. He's been my security guard, my mechanic, babysitter, scape goat, wing man, partner in crime, and my hero many, many times over.
The Akre's. I will never be able to express or repay you for the impact you've made in my life. Each and every day I am so thankful for you. Dylan, watching you grow up was one of the best parts of my life.
My Tracey. You are so damn good to me. I don't know what I ever did to deserve a wonderful girl like you in my world. Thank you for taking such good care of me. Thank you for seeing my true self. Thank you for for encouraging me to chase my wildest dreams. Thank you for being front row in every audience cheering me on. Stop Crying, it will give you wrinkles.
My Bros... Matt and Mikey. I call you my brothers beacuase it's the easiest way to show your importance to me. You're so much more than just friends. Even the term "Best Friends" can't describe how close to my heart you are. You're family. You're forever. I love you endlessly.
Somehow our worlds collided and I was forever changed. You helped me see my value and reach for bigger and better. You are real men. Solid, Loyal, Trustworthy and True. Thank you for seeing my brain beneath all the hairspray and my heart beneath the giant tits. I don't know how I would have made it this far without you. Thank you for allowing me to be your mamabear. You're just what I needed.
I did amazing things in my life. I lived out my wildest dreams. I learned so much. I loved deeply. I had incredible relationships and adventures. I am proud of my life. It was a life worth dying for.
Everything happens for a reason. My journey did not end too soon. Although that's how it may feel. This moment may cause pain and heartache for some. but, now it's time for someone else to pick where I left off.
Thank you all for being an important part of my life's journey. I am filled with gratitude for each and every person and where their time in my life taught me and where it lead me.
It's been a wild ride, and it's been worth every moment.
Love Love Love
My life has been simply incredible. The value was not in it's length, but in the content. (like they say, size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it)
I have the worlds greatest parents. I like to call them my enablers. I was born into a loving family who bent over backwards to help me achieve each and every dream. I couldn't have asked for a better.
My lil bro is the greatest dude in the world. He's been my security guard, my mechanic, babysitter, scape goat, wing man, partner in crime, and my hero many, many times over.
The Akre's. I will never be able to express or repay you for the impact you've made in my life. Each and every day I am so thankful for you. Dylan, watching you grow up was one of the best parts of my life.
My Tracey. You are so damn good to me. I don't know what I ever did to deserve a wonderful girl like you in my world. Thank you for taking such good care of me. Thank you for seeing my true self. Thank you for for encouraging me to chase my wildest dreams. Thank you for being front row in every audience cheering me on. Stop Crying, it will give you wrinkles.
My Bros... Matt and Mikey. I call you my brothers beacuase it's the easiest way to show your importance to me. You're so much more than just friends. Even the term "Best Friends" can't describe how close to my heart you are. You're family. You're forever. I love you endlessly.
Somehow our worlds collided and I was forever changed. You helped me see my value and reach for bigger and better. You are real men. Solid, Loyal, Trustworthy and True. Thank you for seeing my brain beneath all the hairspray and my heart beneath the giant tits. I don't know how I would have made it this far without you. Thank you for allowing me to be your mamabear. You're just what I needed.
I did amazing things in my life. I lived out my wildest dreams. I learned so much. I loved deeply. I had incredible relationships and adventures. I am proud of my life. It was a life worth dying for.
Everything happens for a reason. My journey did not end too soon. Although that's how it may feel. This moment may cause pain and heartache for some. but, now it's time for someone else to pick where I left off.
Thank you all for being an important part of my life's journey. I am filled with gratitude for each and every person and where their time in my life taught me and where it lead me.
It's been a wild ride, and it's been worth every moment.
Love Love Love
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
You Are Where You Put Yourself In Life
I started working out again... and again... and again.
It's like quiting smoking, there's tons of false starts before it finally sticks.
"You are where you put yourself in life."
I like that quote. If my life sucks it's cause I'm making decisions that lead to it sucking.
6 years ago I was on top of the world. I had lost 100lbs and won 5th place in my very first fitness competition. I kept competing until I was on team BC at Nationals! Then I stopped...
In 2007 I placed 2nd and I started dating this dude, let's call him Buddy.
I then went on to place 4th at Provincials, "Buddy" fell asleep in the front row and txt me all show asking when it was going to be over.
I didn't invite "Buddy" to the Nationals. He had nothing supportive to say. I placed 8th. I was jazzed that I didn't come int 9th! But that's not how "Buddy" saw things.
I stopped competing after that. I kept working out with "Buddy" at the local community centre and tried to hang onto my love for fitness but every time a box of suppliments would come from one of my sponsors he would take product for himself. He built his dream body. He looked great.
I remember him standing infront of me at the treadmill the last day I every worked out in public. He told me that I was lucky to be dating him cause he's only gone out with thin beautiful girls. But he made an exception for me cause he thought I was a good investment.
I burst into tears and left the treamdill to hide in the changroom.
I never went back to that gym. Everyone knew me there, they knew of my competitions and were so supportive. But they also liked my boyfriend who was there every day. Why was he there every day? Well for the last 18 months of our relationship he didn't have a job, he just worked out. I paid all of our bills and slowly started to hate my life.
"You are where you put yourself in life"
and I put myself if a pretty sucky situation.
I finally broke up with "Buddy"
I've been single ever since. I've dated. But no one's become boyfriend material. In the last few years of being single I've achieved so much. I've acomplished things I had only ever day dreamed of. I've been to places I only wished I could go before. And I've met people I pray I get the honor of growing old with. I've regained a ton of happiness.
It's true. You are where you put yourself in life. So where do I want to put myself? I want to be right back at my happiest part of life when I was feeling unstoppable.
http://thesamanthamack.blogspot.ca/2011/11/my-fitness-competition-nov-2006.html
So I started the journey again.
I'm one solid week into military inspired workouts. My ass aches when I walk up stairs, My abs tremble when I first sit up in bed in the mornings. I feel incredible.
Many people told me I couldn't and shouldn't... back in the day. And I'm sure they will again. But it's my choice to keep those people around or to let them go.
"You are where you put yourself in life"
It's like quiting smoking, there's tons of false starts before it finally sticks.
"You are where you put yourself in life."
I like that quote. If my life sucks it's cause I'm making decisions that lead to it sucking.
6 years ago I was on top of the world. I had lost 100lbs and won 5th place in my very first fitness competition. I kept competing until I was on team BC at Nationals! Then I stopped...
In 2007 I placed 2nd and I started dating this dude, let's call him Buddy.
I then went on to place 4th at Provincials, "Buddy" fell asleep in the front row and txt me all show asking when it was going to be over.
I didn't invite "Buddy" to the Nationals. He had nothing supportive to say. I placed 8th. I was jazzed that I didn't come int 9th! But that's not how "Buddy" saw things.
I stopped competing after that. I kept working out with "Buddy" at the local community centre and tried to hang onto my love for fitness but every time a box of suppliments would come from one of my sponsors he would take product for himself. He built his dream body. He looked great.
I remember him standing infront of me at the treadmill the last day I every worked out in public. He told me that I was lucky to be dating him cause he's only gone out with thin beautiful girls. But he made an exception for me cause he thought I was a good investment.
I burst into tears and left the treamdill to hide in the changroom.
I never went back to that gym. Everyone knew me there, they knew of my competitions and were so supportive. But they also liked my boyfriend who was there every day. Why was he there every day? Well for the last 18 months of our relationship he didn't have a job, he just worked out. I paid all of our bills and slowly started to hate my life.
"You are where you put yourself in life"
and I put myself if a pretty sucky situation.
I finally broke up with "Buddy"
I've been single ever since. I've dated. But no one's become boyfriend material. In the last few years of being single I've achieved so much. I've acomplished things I had only ever day dreamed of. I've been to places I only wished I could go before. And I've met people I pray I get the honor of growing old with. I've regained a ton of happiness.
It's true. You are where you put yourself in life. So where do I want to put myself? I want to be right back at my happiest part of life when I was feeling unstoppable.
http://thesamanthamack.blogspot.ca/2011/11/my-fitness-competition-nov-2006.html
So I started the journey again.
I'm one solid week into military inspired workouts. My ass aches when I walk up stairs, My abs tremble when I first sit up in bed in the mornings. I feel incredible.
Many people told me I couldn't and shouldn't... back in the day. And I'm sure they will again. But it's my choice to keep those people around or to let them go.
"You are where you put yourself in life"
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