When I was a stripper, I was just average, normal, I blended in.
I'd go to work and I looked just like the other girls. I hosted all sorts of shows where the busty over the top girl was exactly what people were coming to see. I received thunderous applause, signed posters, calendars, t shirts, and the bare chests of both men and women. I took countless photos with an endless parade of people. Even to this day people see me at dinner and ask for photos or tell me that they saw my magnet on their friend's fridge. I love that people love me! Who wouldn't!?!?
I retired from stripping and now focus on hosting events... to much success. These events, adult conventions, strip clubs etc, feel like my home away from home. It's where I fit in. It's where I'm treated like an equal.
I started spending my free time hanging out in the "real world" and mingling with the 9-5ers.
The response wasn't so good.
A korean boy told me (in his best english) that I looked like I was a mean girl but he was surprised that I'm the nicest girl in the world.
A woman, who's the mother of one of my friends, told me (in a surprised tone) I looked like I could be a bitch but once she talked to me she thought I was very sweet and misunderstood.
Why so surprised?
Why, why, why do we assume that anyone who "we think" looks better than us or different than us, must be a mean, nasty human who's up to no good? Why? Because that is the outline of every chick flick. Generation after generation teach we our children that the underdog will only succeed by putting down the person they feel threatened by. The underdog who ALWAYS wins! is a doe eyed, small town, simple girl and the evil villain is always some chick with a nose ring or tits that dont jiggle when she walks. Movies, magazines, betty vs veronica... this is what we accept as truth. If you don't have anyone who makes you feel insecure just find the closest person who YOU THINK looks better than you. or someone who stands out or is different than YOUR norm... and BINGO there's your target. Your success lays in their misery. Take them down and you will reign victorious!!!
We breed judgement based assumptions Our own insecurity turns us on each other. and this awful cycle of insecurity, judgment and hate goes round and round making me so dizzy i beg to get off this ride so I can vomit!
I tried to fit in in the "real world" and it was hell. I was pointed at, laughed at, my hair pulled, heckled, random strangers from both genders honk my tits and high five their friends as they scurry off. You have no idea how much I wish I was talking about high school, but sadly I'm almost 30 and after 8 years of being secluded in the "adult entertainment world" I went out to the so called "real world" and this is how people behave! 12 years after graduation nothing has changed.
I don't do well in the normal world. I feel like the only gay kid in a small redneck town. They point and say the most random crap and I just want to tell them "you know I can see/hear you, right?!?!"
My closest friend are circus "freaks," pornographers, models, strippers etc. and in our industry we are forced to look past the exterior. Our appearance is part of the act. Part of the show. As entertainers we have to work together, we MUST support and encourage one another or we wont simply will no longer have a place as an entertainer. Not all entertainers are saints, but, My circle of friends are happy, open people, who I've never seen treat someone as poorly as what I see in the "real world." And this is why they are my friends.
Last night on Granville street, I turned around to talk to my date and a girl who was walking behind me grabbed her face like she was re-inacting a scene from Home Alone and gasped before laughing hysterically and YELLING to her friends, "OMG DID YOU SEE HER TITS?!" She wasn't the first to act this way. But I made sure she was the last. How?
I left.
I left my date at the Warehouse and hid at a different bar (The Moose) where my bro Mikey was. He and the staff working knew me and treated me like a human... it was so refreshing.
The "real world" scares me. It seems like a place full of hate and judgement where people and use and dispose of each other to get to the proverbial top. They escape on their two days off each week. Hiding in bars, where their courage to talk to others is sold in over priced bottles, right next to the cans filled with the liquid that makes your pain, stress and regret vanish just a little more with every sip.
Once they've swallowed enough, they go out... where our paths cross as I'm walking, avoiding the pools of vomit that decorate the sidewalks, and they're not all mean and hurtful people. But the ones who are sweet, kind, genuine.. they are often followed by a loud obnoxious girl, or a puffed up buddy expressing his feelings of entitlement.
The next night when they introduce themselves at my show. I don't remind them that we've met before, I just smile for the picture. I smile because I'm amazed that they are so resilient. I've seen the so called "real world" that they live in.
and it's hell.
Thank you for sharing your view of how the "real world" looks from the outside. So ridiculous considering how far we've come as a society that there is such a divide. I am one of those 9-5ers, a prototypical thirty-something white male. But growing up, I knew I wasn't like everyone else. My solution was to hide my true self, conform, and play by their rules to succeed in life. In their minds, I've made it; I'm living the dream, when in fact I'm just a coward who was afraid to embrace himself. Now I am in the company of some who disgust me with their judgement of and rhetoric toward people even slightly different than themselves. I imagine there are quite a few like me on this side.
ReplyDeleteWhen you are out in the "real world", remember that there are people like me who look at you and see nothing but electrifying beauty among a crowd of drones. Not to mention, we might be looking at the only real thing in this "real world".